Ingen Takes a Swat at her Pesky Ego

Day after day, as I investigate this thing called reality, the world gets weirder and weirderer.  And this doodle so very aptly depicts the tornado of thought that whips up whenever I try one of these inquiries.

First of all.... WHY are there three things represented here when they are all supposed to be referencing just one.  One.  The one.  Me.

Me:  Right here.  This me in this body somewhere. 

And My:  Ok, so now this goes off the rails.  There's already a Sybil effect going on as though there can be a 'me' and a 'my'.  What is My if not Me? 

Ego:  Now we've got this spaceship circling the body where the me and my is.  So whose ego is it?  And if it's outside circling around, how is it mine?  Me?  My?

Does the ego belong to someone here?  Is it owned by something?  If so, WHAT?!  What is the thing that owns the ego?

I guess I could say that 'my' body owns the ego but if it does, it certainly hasn't been able to control it.  Just look at it buzzing around in circles, kind of like this logic.  If I own it, why isn't there a remote control for this thing?

It's odd how looking for the me always turns into a frustrating circle jerk. 

I am looking for the me.

I am looking at my ego.

What and where is this supposed I that is looking?!

"Who Am I?", I ask.  No one answers.






Questions for Investigation:

Are there two things, a you, and then a separate ego? Can the idea of an ego ever exist apart from the idea of a self? Where does the concept of a self end and the concept of an ego begin?

Most importantly, do either of these things exist as more than an idea?



Tools for Ongoing Inquiry:

Like the self, check for whether either actually exist outside of thought? What is the thing or entity that "has" or controls the ego? Then do the same check in reverse. What is the thing that “has” or controls the self?

Meanwhile, Ingen Discovers Eternity.

There I was in my last post, dangling on the precipice of my sometimes regrettable past while trying to not fall to hard into a hazy but hope-filled future.  This incredible feat was a tip-of-the-toe pirouette on the sharp and cutting edge of this single point of time called "Now".  Why the treacherous balancing act?  Because that's what all of the spiritual books say will make me happy.

It wasn't working. The "now" was too small to fit all of the thoughts about I was supposed to be doing at the moment, in the one immediately previous, and all the while ensuring I didn't fall into the next one unprepared.  It seemed exhausting.

It was also very obvious that the inquiry into Time and Now wasn't over.  Further investigation into "Reality-As-It-Is" was called for.

Here goes.

I'd already come to the understanding that there is only Now (see my previous post).  But it still seemed that there was this time-bubble called 'me' which was separate.  This was the thing that reflected on the past, sat in the now, and worried about the future.  It's as though there were four things, all somehow related to a me who had to track her place relative to each one.  It's no wonder I'm tired.

So then where is this Past that is not here, and therefore is separate from the me that's in the Now?  How would it be possible for it to exist as 'my past' without yours truly as central character?  The same question holds true for the Future.  If it's out there without me, then it's certainly not My future, because I'm not there yet.  I'm right here in the Now.  Or at least I thought I was before that last inquiry when I couldn't find This Moment either, except as a continuous eternity without measurement.  Time has no edges for me to be contained "in".

Does this make me eternal?!!

There is Past, Present, and Future, existing nowhere, and I've just discovered that I'm not in any of them.  When am I?

Questions for Investigation:

Does "Your" past exist outside of the idea of a you who has experienced it?  Where is the past or future right now?  Is the Past, Future, and Present separate from the You?

Tools for Ongoing Inquiry:

Note the times you feel that you are not Living in the Moment.  Is that feeling happening outside of the present moment?

Newsflash: "Staying in the Now" Is a Crock!

Oh, how I have tried to stay in the now!  Let me count the ways...

It's frustrating to suddenly realize that I'd been thinking about a problem at work while actually gazing at the sunset on a beautiful beach.   Or maybe it's a snap back to the delicious dinner with friends instead of getting lost in thought about which bills were due this week. 

We all do it.  We've taken the mantra of 'staying in the now' and turned it into another reason to berate ourselves for falling short of some spiritual or enlightened goal.

With the help of Ingen Findes, let's take a look at the "Present Moment".  To do that, we'll need to look at the nature of time itself.

Time.  It seems to be a measure of change rather than something I can get my hands on.  That's evidenced by the fact that when I'm indoors, I have to look at a clock in order to keep track of my day.  Outdoors, it's much easier because of the changing angles of the sun, or just the multitude of changing events.  Time is change.  I can't seem to define it more than that.

Before understanding how to stay in the now, I'll need to define it.  And I'm having a real problem with that.  When I look for an "incoming" now, I just get... Now.  When looking for the end or "outgoing" now, I get... Now.  I cannot find a demarcation or line between the past, present, or future.  It's just one long continuous now!  Past appears only in thought, and so does future.

Guess what that means?  There is absolutely no way to not be in the now.  That's the good news.  But then what's happening to cause the feeling of not being 'here, now'? 

It seems that the only time I'm not in the Now is when I've framed a scene in my mind, or compartmentalized life into segments.  THIS is dinner time.  THIS is beach time.  THIS is writing a blog post time so I shouldn't be thinking of sushi.

But what happens if the compartments are false?  Are there actual compartments in reality or is this just some lame left-brained idea?   Doesn't that mean that no matter what is happening, it's happening NOW and is the NOW?  Why have I imposed false rules about what is supposed to be happening at any given time as though I can structure every single aspect and moment?

Seems kind of weird to think about this.  But no matter what happens, I'm only ever in the moment. And when I realize that instead of thinking of bills, I'd rather think of the shoreline in front of me, then that's what I do in THAT moment.  Mission accomplished.  Struggling with this is wholly unnecessary.



Questions for Investigation:

Is it Now, now? What about Now? Try to leave the present moment and jump into the future, or move back into the past. Is it ever possible?




Tools for Ongoing Inquiry:

Keep trying to leave the now. When the thought that you are not "living in the now" comes, when is that thought occurring? Can you ever fail to stay in the present moment? Are you a time traveler? If you could travel through time, what time would it be when you got there?