Hell in a Handbasket: Laptops, Cars, and Other Spiritual Vices

artwork by Ingrid Lill

Quiz Time:

In this bright, big world of good and shiny things, there are possessions, and then there are things that are MINE, right?  What I mean is that possessions as I usually think of them are things like My House (which belongs to the bank, thank you), My Jetta (which belongs to yet another financial institution), My Samsung laptop (Ok, this actually is something I paid for in full).  You get the idea.  Those are my things, the very items I'd mourn if they went missing.  I mean seriously cry because I've invested some hard-earned cash.

Spiritual perfectionists would tell me that I need to ditch those things to be happy, or at least not be so god-awful attached to them.

Meh.  I'm not that spiritual, I guess.

The next level of stuff I own is this entirely amped up level of possessions. 

Wake Up! There are sharks in the Think Tank

One of the most frustrating and freeing inquiries I've ever come across is the one spawned from this doodle.

Here.  Let's think about that.

The first reason for the frustration is exactly what the doodle notes.  The truth of things is that I just cannot ever predict what the next thought will be.  This is a problem because in the middle of inquiry, a thought about what happened at work last Monday will just pop.  There is absolutely no control over this no matter how hard "I" try.  This invading thought may be followed by one involving a plan for dinner, or maybe even an entirely ridiculous and imaginary scene I happen to enjoy because it involves Chris Cornell. 

Yeah.  You really don't want to think about that.

The second reason for my vexation is the impossible situation I find myself trying to unravel, which is that inquiry itself IS thought. 

Keeping That Cute Little Monkey On Your Back

I've been in a deep crisis about my job lately and that's because I know it doesn't align with my desire or plan to have fulfilling Life Purpose.  How ridiculously typical for a spiritual seeker of my less-than-tender age!

There's no time in the linear trajectory I like to think of as the 'history of my life' that I wasn't looking for the next or better thing.  It's been a real source of dissatisfaction, if I'm honest. More than that, it's been a source of pain, and you might even say Suffering.

Oh, you too?

Only after beginning to work with this particular inquiry did I discover that the suffering is completely false.  Firstly, because I don't recall learning about a predetermined or neatly paved path which I have been commanded to follow.  What's more, there are zero accounts of Maps to the Universe having been handed out by the OB-Gyn who tended to my birth.  And if he was in the business of handing out life maps upon arrival, it's long since been lost.  There's no absolutely no GPS for This, and therefore, it's impossible to get lost.

So where did this idea of Sempre Further, Stronger, Faster, Better come from?  Why the dissatisfaction with my current state of affairs?

The Neverending Universe of Inquiry

While the urgent energy of spiritual seeking can end at some point, it's my experience so far that inquiry can't.  It's an ever expanding universe of wonder and awe.  Well, when inquiry isn't leading up to a headache, that is.  And if it's giving me a headache, that's probably a good sign that I'm working it like a logical math problem instead of a simple check of reality. 

This brings me to an excellent blog comment on my last post.  I see it as an invitation to an Inquiry Challenge Round. 


"This is a textbook case of realizing the difference between actual experience and thought overlay."I'd think that thought overlay is part of actual experience, and that the realising is just another overlay.

"Where this hold true for me, it must also hold true for him."......Must? 

- Neony


How and where to start!

I think of inquiry as an art form.  Or maybe it's an eternal musical composition.  Either way, it's always a good idea for me to not call a session "closed" or "done".  Instead, I let it just keep opening doors and before writing out the results of an inquiry here, I've more than likely spent a full week in contemplation even when I've done these countless times before.  Finding a breaking point at which to write is always much more challenging than I expect.

Neony's right.  When I look, I see that thought overlay is indeed part of actual experience, and realizing IS just another overlay.  Everything is experience.  There is no escaping it, even if I think about falling asleep at night and experiencing nothing, that's not true.  I can't possibly know whether I've actually missed anything at all.  

My recommendation to you, dear reader, is to take none of these inquiries as complete, closed, or finished.  Challenge each one and see whether you can take it further. 

Because you can.  Always.

Friends, Lovers, and Other Strangers?

The question is....Exactly what is it that I see when looking at another?

In the midst of trying to give this inquiry my full attention I find myself giving several distracted glances in my husband's direction.  I note the rounded shoulders of his seated form as he reads from his laptop.  Then I remember that he hates that laptop.  Or maybe it's just a healthy disdain for Windows 8.

Anyway!

Besides the visual cues of shape and color, I'm pretty proud of my spiritual acuity in easily noticing that there is absolutely nothing there that says "husband".  That notion, I understand, comes in a series of thoughts which claim to tell a story about that particular shape and form.  This is a textbook case of realizing the difference between actual experience and thought overlay.

I get 10 bonus points for this round of inquiry and move onto the next space on the board.
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Next, I start looking at the question of how and where these particular thoughts came to be. 

Ingen and Her Guru's Promise

I've been avoiding writing out this inquiry but having been playing around with it for a few weeks.  That's because I've always harbored a bit of disdain for gurus as a whole and realized that the reason for the judgment, as in most stereotyping, was due to laziness.  My preconceived notions needed to be torn down in order to take a good look.

So I took a sledgehammer to them.

Though I haven't had any experience with gurus outside of YouTube videos, I've got a mental image that teachers like Mooji or Gangaji, (or any ji) can easily fill.  Anyone with robes or long and flowing clothing, beads, a slow blink, and a bouquet of flowers nearby or hung round the neck qualify as the stereotypical guru.  There are those who skirt the edges.  Adya and Rupert Spira come to mind, but with those guys, I think it's really just the flowers that throw me.

Putting all of that aside, I realized that there's a really very good purpose for the "guru look".  Sure, it's part of a sort of uniform, but it's also a signal.  They provide visual and auditory cues which tell me to SLOW DOWN.  That's all there is to it.   They cues are employed to assist in carefully listening to the questions, and the pauses are there to allow me to consider and inquire.  In other words, STOP.

We've come to the part where I let you know the outcome of this inquiry.  

Love, Algebra, and Unconditions

"Unconditional love" is a phrase I've read in nearly every spiritual book .  It's an appealing enough set of words that flows very nicely and makes a fine new age mantra.   If you're into that sort of thing.

Me?  I find New and Age to be at odds with itself.  But I've got to start this inquiry somewhere, so why not approach it from a more practical perspective.  Like a dictionary.

unconditional

[uhn-kuh n-dish-uh-nl] /ˌʌn kənˈdɪʃ ə nl/

 

adjective

1. not limited by conditions; absolute :

an unconditional promise.

 

2. Mathematics, absolute (def 12).

It seems, after pondering the above for quite a while, that "unconditional love" is a completely redundant phrase.  Because "without conditions" would mean that anything and everything is accepted, as it is.  Not a single condition can apply.  Not even the Acceptance because that, itself, implies a condition of welcoming.

In thinking this through, I've never experienced anything without conditions.  Or, maybe it's more accurate to say that the "I" has never experienced without conditions because the job of the Me seems to be to judge and classify everything in its path.  Relentlessly.  So, what is the only thing that doesn't judge?  Well... that would seem to be what I'd call LOVE. 

By my own definition, Love itself, then, is unconditional.  The two words first define each other and then ultimately cancel themselves out.  When looking at this closely, the canceling out leaves me still and silent.  The only thing remaining is THAT which IS.  And absolutely nothing more can possibly be said because to do so would be to spin back into conditions. 

It's suddenly grown really very quiet around here.