Mind Weeding: Freedom From Thought

I think this is what they call "baggage".  Although I'd always pictured it as something carried on my back, it's more accurate to say it's carried on my head.  Like a potted weeds I water with worry or anxious thought, the spindly growths become top heavy. 

It's time to weed, or at least begin a good pruning.

Thoughts seem to give rise to other thought, but what if I got myself a good batch of weed killer and doused the roots?  And I think I've figured out a way to do just that.  It's deceptively simple, as all effective inquiries seem to be. 

Here's how it goes.

In looking at thought itself, I can see that there's no way to predict them, no way of telling what sort will show up next.  But they're amazingly varied and lots of times, the content is just plain ridiculous.  So how do I know which to choose as valid or 'real'?  By what criteria is that choice made?  And do I even have control over which of them seem to carry more weight than the others?

When looking closely, it's evident that the worrisome ones are just a repetitive pattern.  They seem to take on 'weight' simply because they pop up often.  A feeling of "there must be something to this thought" comes up, even when the contents never materialize.  And most of the time... maybe more than 99% of the time, they never materialize.

Statistically, it's ridiculous to fret.

If I look even closer, I can see that thoughts are very mysterious and have no business causing anyone issue.  They come from nowhere (no material substance).  They exist nowhere (can't pick them up or collect them).  They disappear into nothing (can't even find them once they're gone).

In what world does something non material, something that has no shape, size, color, or texture become threatening or cause harm?  This makes little sense.  What if I gave thoughts the weight they deserve... none?

I have to admit that the last thing that would help with this inquiry is to think about it.  Rather than stopping thought, which is what a lot of spiritual folks tend to try to do, it seems to me it's much better to just see through it. 

Freedom from believing in ghosts we call "thoughts".  Right now, that makes sense.

When There's No Escape, Look for the Escapee

Artwork by Ingrid Lill

This simple little drawing holds the key to breaking through some points of inquiry I've been trying to get at for a while.  Only I didn't realize I'd been trying.

It's funny how when you need something (and I don't mean material things, I mean life lessons), it comes right to your doorstep.  In this case, it came to my computer screen in the form of Ingrid's next doodle in her facebook doodle stream,  Just this morning, rather than try to stop my habit of negative thinking, I sat down with it.

Like a lot of people, a generalized sense of anxiety about a nebulously uneasy expectation can sneak up on me.  This usually happens in the middle of the night and kicks off with one of those dreams with a repetitive themes.  For me, the theme is generally centered around an apocalyptic event.  A tsunami.  Nuclear War.  Something fun like that. 

The secondary theme both within the dream and outside of it seems to be about escape.  I just want to run as far from the situation as possible, and without a glance back.  I want to escape my own skin.

But what if there is no need for escape from anything at all?  What if the situation doesn't apply to anyone and is just a situation, happening?  What if the troublesome habit IS the self?  It has to be because there's actually nothing holding onto it.  I just checked.  And there was no sign of an owner of a habit.

So, if I try to find the thing that escapes a physical situation, it would be the body moving away from a point in space or time.  But if it's an escape from the habit of anxiety, it's all about getting away from thought.

What would get away from thought?

 

Meditation: Just Practicing for the Big Game

 

Artwork by Ingrid Lill

I've never been a meditator.  Yes, I've tried it here and there but the exercise has never really amounted to anything life altering because I much prefer inquiry for shattering my paradigm, thank you.  With annoying regularity though, this so-called inquiry would decide to show up at around 3am at which time it would keep me up for at least an hour or two.  And that is when I find myself locked into a stare contest with my bedroom ceiling until the idea dawns to start relaxing with a little meditation.  (The ceiling wins every time, by the way)

As you can see, I've got meditation issues.

The biggest realization I've gotten out of a cramped-leg sitting session is that finding the space between thoughts is nearly impossible at first.  This, I know for sure.  Because as soon as I notice that the space is there, it's no longer a space.  Instead, a comment appears and the space is quickly filled with the newly discovered thought.  After a while, this cycle of thought birth and death becomes painful to note.  From what I understand, though, this is kind of the point. What you begin to do is to take a good look at the process rather than paying attention the content. 

It's practice for the Big Game.

And yet, here's what I think makes a session of meditation on Thought a bit more interesting.  Remember my investigation into the nature of Now and how staying in it is a crock?  Well, in this meditation I've noticed that thoughts are always in the past.  What I mean to say is that while I can't catch them midstream, I can just sort of take note that they've happened.  I've never caught a thought in the act, or at least not in the middle of the act.  They're awfully wily that way.  They're never now.

I do have to be honest and report that on one or two occasions, I have indeed noticed the elusive mind state of Nothingness.  This would be cause for celebration if such things weren't frowned upon by the enlightenment police.  To congratulate yourself for noticing Nothing is hypocrisy!  Besides it doesn't lend itself to conversation.

"Hey, what's up?"
"Nothing."
"Oh."
"Yeah.  Been working on that for years."

Instant conversation killer.

Ok, back to the exercise.  As you can see, noticing thought ends up being quite a crazy game of hide and seek where the success of achieving the goal is fleeting as well as almost entirely elusive.  It takes some time to just notice what happens with thought because it's much to easy to begin spiraling into it.  It's like a cosmic swirling drain that seduces you right into the vortex. 

I need more time with this.  And that's quite likely the reason it's called practice.

Friends, Lovers, and Other Strangers?

The question is....Exactly what is it that I see when looking at another?

In the midst of trying to give this inquiry my full attention I find myself giving several distracted glances in my husband's direction.  I note the rounded shoulders of his seated form as he reads from his laptop.  Then I remember that he hates that laptop.  Or maybe it's just a healthy disdain for Windows 8.

Anyway!

Besides the visual cues of shape and color, I'm pretty proud of my spiritual acuity in easily noticing that there is absolutely nothing there that says "husband".  That notion, I understand, comes in a series of thoughts which claim to tell a story about that particular shape and form.  This is a textbook case of realizing the difference between actual experience and thought overlay.

I get 10 bonus points for this round of inquiry and move onto the next space on the board.
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Next, I start looking at the question of how and where these particular thoughts came to be. 

Love, Algebra, and Unconditions

"Unconditional love" is a phrase I've read in nearly every spiritual book .  It's an appealing enough set of words that flows very nicely and makes a fine new age mantra.   If you're into that sort of thing.

Me?  I find New and Age to be at odds with itself.  But I've got to start this inquiry somewhere, so why not approach it from a more practical perspective.  Like a dictionary.

unconditional

[uhn-kuh n-dish-uh-nl] /ˌʌn kənˈdɪʃ ə nl/

 

adjective

1. not limited by conditions; absolute :

an unconditional promise.

 

2. Mathematics, absolute (def 12).

It seems, after pondering the above for quite a while, that "unconditional love" is a completely redundant phrase.  Because "without conditions" would mean that anything and everything is accepted, as it is.  Not a single condition can apply.  Not even the Acceptance because that, itself, implies a condition of welcoming.

In thinking this through, I've never experienced anything without conditions.  Or, maybe it's more accurate to say that the "I" has never experienced without conditions because the job of the Me seems to be to judge and classify everything in its path.  Relentlessly.  So, what is the only thing that doesn't judge?  Well... that would seem to be what I'd call LOVE. 

By my own definition, Love itself, then, is unconditional.  The two words first define each other and then ultimately cancel themselves out.  When looking at this closely, the canceling out leaves me still and silent.  The only thing remaining is THAT which IS.  And absolutely nothing more can possibly be said because to do so would be to spin back into conditions. 

It's suddenly grown really very quiet around here.